Conversations With Myself

August 21, 2016

I've heard the creative mind described as much like a computer with thousands of tabs open at once. For me at least, this is pretty often the case. I'm always thinking, processing, analyzing, planning, imagining, and trying to figure out what will happen in the future. Sometimes I'm working out a multitude of tasks in my brain and forget within seconds, what I was going to say to someone. Sometimes, my brain doesn't know when to "turn off" so I can sleep. Sometimes I make myself miserable by filling in information gaps, always jumping to the worst case scenario. The following are a number of random, yet somewhat sequential thoughts and conversations I've been having with myself lately:


-I need to get more steps in.

-What kind of workout do I want to do?


-What's the worst thing the doctor could tell me?

-Because of my skin cancer, I have to wear hats when I'm outdoors. I like to go for walks outside but wearing a hat just makes me extra hot. 


-I seem to sweat a lot. Do I have the sweat glands of all my male ancestors combined? Geez! So embarrassing!



-What did I need to get at the store again?

 Lily's treats, bananas, milk, almonds, watermelon, cheese, shampoo

-This bag is heavy! Oh ya, it has a watermelon in it. 

    Ha! "I carried a watermelon!" You're a nerd, Jessica


-Ooh that's interesting. Where's my iPad so I can learn more about that? How old was she? When was he born? What did she die of? Wow! That's crazy.  See if there's another documentary about this you can watch.


-I can't sleep


-I don't want to wake up


-I want to look cute but its so hot out! Comfy is more important right now. Guess I will be wearing my "gym chic" clothes to work. The term "chic" is used loosely.


-That was a really weird dream I had last night. I'm going to have to look that up and see what it means.


-I miss him.


-I need to assign new numbers for everyone. And this time they should be four digits.

Ahh! Years are four digits! I'll need to scramble the digits for some to make them more unique.

  1066, 1939, 1803, 1956

   *This person is cool, they get a year I like

   *This person is a beast... How about a messy year for them?

   * I like her, she gets this special event

   *This person has been awful lately. So now they have the year of an epidemic.

  -Hahahah I'm so weird


-Now I'm tired. And bored.


-Of course when there's a brief lull in my thoughts he pops in. He's too stubborn. Our connection is too rare to waste. Being with him now doesn't necessarily mean we'd be together forever. Maybe I'd get tired of him. I'd at least like the chance to find out. I just want to be happy. You're too nice to him, Jay. You would do anything for him and have been there for him at the drop of a hat. He's getting everything he wants from this and you get nothing. So much for him loving me so much. Was it because my shininess wore off and he didn't like what was left when the glitter disappeared, when he got to know me better? Is this going to happen with the next guy? It took me decades to find this one! Apparently I asked him too many questions the other day when I was "probing him for details." Whatever! 


-Now I'm depressed and slightly annoyed


-You just need to focus on your painting and making yourself healthy again.


-Go for a walk. Check your fitbit progress.


-How much longer till I can go home?


-Now I need a nap








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